The study of the soul is a pursuit both demanding and satisfying. But the deeper the inquiry goes, the more mysterious the subject becomes. What is this entity? The soul is not a thing that can be held with the hands, or heard with the ears, or seen with the eyes. The soul may seem so elusive as to be nothing more than a profound absence, justifying the bleak sense that we are only what we appear to be, and that our spirit is merely a wishful notion. Yet occasionally, as if by grace, there seems to be in our lives a palpable presence of creative power and loving wisdom, the source of which is as close to us as our own true being.
http://www.wingmakers.co.nz/The%20Twelve%20Major%20Chakras.html
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Friday, December 28, 2007
Swept away
Tempted by the demons of the past
the ones lurking in the darkness
awaiting that fatal error
a careless loss of footing
will cost you your soul
hurry
quick
or you shall be swept away
the ones lurking in the darkness
awaiting that fatal error
a careless loss of footing
will cost you your soul
hurry
quick
or you shall be swept away
Thursday, December 27, 2007
1929
I went to the cemetery
I stood before your grave
asking for guidance.
I pray to no god.
I find no answer within him.
and yet your cross still guards my door
maybe its just my lack of faith in men...
I sometimes wonder if half my issues are due to a lack of faith.
But I believe in something. I just haven't quite figured out what.
Must we always label everything?! Can't some things just be. How does one label what the soul holds for Truth?
For New Years I have decided to figure what I need.
I feel that as of late I have become a walking contradiction. I give all this amazing advice but rarely put it to use myself.
The past 6 years have left me feeling completely numb.
I don't know what to feel or how to feel it.
I know there is emotion there.
I feel it knot in my solarplexus.
It tries to untangle itself, down my meridian lines, into my second chakra.
Eventually I feel it trickle down into my base like a thick molasses.
I can manipulate it for a short period.
Expelling it through the salty tears that forever moisten my cheeks.
And yet I still struggle at holding it ever so lovingly in a gentle embrace.
My heart has been sledgehammered. Shattered into millions of fragments of light.
I stood before your grave
asking for guidance.
I pray to no god.
I find no answer within him.
and yet your cross still guards my door
maybe its just my lack of faith in men...
I sometimes wonder if half my issues are due to a lack of faith.
But I believe in something. I just haven't quite figured out what.
Must we always label everything?! Can't some things just be. How does one label what the soul holds for Truth?
For New Years I have decided to figure what I need.
I feel that as of late I have become a walking contradiction. I give all this amazing advice but rarely put it to use myself.
The past 6 years have left me feeling completely numb.
I don't know what to feel or how to feel it.
I know there is emotion there.
I feel it knot in my solarplexus.
It tries to untangle itself, down my meridian lines, into my second chakra.
Eventually I feel it trickle down into my base like a thick molasses.
I can manipulate it for a short period.
Expelling it through the salty tears that forever moisten my cheeks.
And yet I still struggle at holding it ever so lovingly in a gentle embrace.
My heart has been sledgehammered. Shattered into millions of fragments of light.
All I want for Christmas...
I wish for one thing only.
A greater regard for life.
Now
I sit
waiting
on my falling star.
A greater regard for life.
Now
I sit
waiting
on my falling star.
Friday, December 14, 2007
you cant help people until they want to help themselves.
I had just finished my last cigarette...this woman was outside the grocery store begging for money, I had no change for her.
Damn POS.
There was a 10 dollar gift card.
I bought it for her, so she could eat.
'Tis the season. Right?
When I gave it to her, she asked if they sold smokes.
She was my father.
I started to wonder,
Will I find him outside a Dominion one day?
Pleading for change.
Desperately scraping for his next fix.
I haven't lit up since.
Damn POS.
There was a 10 dollar gift card.
I bought it for her, so she could eat.
'Tis the season. Right?
When I gave it to her, she asked if they sold smokes.
She was my father.
I started to wonder,
Will I find him outside a Dominion one day?
Pleading for change.
Desperately scraping for his next fix.
I haven't lit up since.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
forever present
I drop two coins into the pay phone
and dial the number to the eagerly awaiting ears
It rings once
the line goes dead
Those were my last two quarters.
I slam the phone back into the cradle.
As I turn to walk away
the change is spit into the coin return
confused
I pull out the coins...
2 quarters
and a DIME.
I knew you wouldnt miss this for the world.
and dial the number to the eagerly awaiting ears
It rings once
the line goes dead
Those were my last two quarters.
I slam the phone back into the cradle.
As I turn to walk away
the change is spit into the coin return
confused
I pull out the coins...
2 quarters
and a DIME.
I knew you wouldnt miss this for the world.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
walk to the beat of your heart
an accidental click...
everything you doubt
Revealed
only to your eyes for the 1st time
the rest of us have been here awaitng your return
everything you doubt
Revealed
only to your eyes for the 1st time
the rest of us have been here awaitng your return
Thursday, November 8, 2007
fifteen year sentence
aware of the patterns
I stand here
in front of you
without my walls
without my many faces
Just ME
A challenge to you,
Do not bring your game face.
Come naked or do not come at all.
Leave all tricks and illusions in the dressing room.
this one person audience
did not pay to see your show
I stand here
in front of you
without my walls
without my many faces
Just ME
A challenge to you,
Do not bring your game face.
Come naked or do not come at all.
Leave all tricks and illusions in the dressing room.
this one person audience
did not pay to see your show
back to the earth
Row upon row
faded petals
a crow squawks
calling for another soul
this place of deathly silence
often offers the only comfort
Where have you been?
Are you here?
the rainbow of leaves
will soon fall lifelessly back to the earth
the warmth of the sunlight
awaits to be replaced by the bitter bite of winter
Death is closing in
faded petals
a crow squawks
calling for another soul
this place of deathly silence
often offers the only comfort
Where have you been?
Are you here?
the rainbow of leaves
will soon fall lifelessly back to the earth
the warmth of the sunlight
awaits to be replaced by the bitter bite of winter
Death is closing in
Sunday, October 21, 2007
New Souls
I recently had a talk with a good friend about New souls.
This beautiful, refreshing light brought into this world.
Free.
Pure.
Untainted by trials of past reincarnations.
Now, my question is, are these people truely new souls, or are they the ones who have learned to process.
Ground.
Why can we not be happy for those who have found this inner stillness?
Do we return to this life with a bitterness towards those that have learned, and are on to other lessons?
Because we cant pay our price?
Because we cant sacrifice?
Because we cant learn to let go and move on?
This beautiful, refreshing light brought into this world.
Free.
Pure.
Untainted by trials of past reincarnations.
Now, my question is, are these people truely new souls, or are they the ones who have learned to process.
Ground.
Why can we not be happy for those who have found this inner stillness?
Do we return to this life with a bitterness towards those that have learned, and are on to other lessons?
Because we cant pay our price?
Because we cant sacrifice?
Because we cant learn to let go and move on?
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
At the base of human insecurity is ultimately Acceptance
To find God.
To be in the Zone.
To be one with the Earth.
Whatever it is that each of us calls it.
Some of us find it in religion.
Some find it in the music we play.
Some seek it out in the waves we surf.
We are all searching for the chance to be at peace.
To be in the present.
To be at one.
To just BE.
For those searching for the deeper meanings, the whys and hows, it comes at a cost,
One must give up everything
This the most difficult thing we as western society face, because of the way we have been socialized.
We were never taught in school to find ourselves.
To search for the things in life that money can't buy.
When and if each of us arrive at this point in life, it is a solo journey.
A lifelong path, full of struggles, disappointments but most importantly achievements.
It is not for the faint of heart.
When we stumble we must be able to pick ourselves back up and continue on. Or all will be lost.
"My success is measured by my willingness to keep on trying" - Anonymous
I have been told that we are given new tests with every new moon.
We are given 30 days.
If we do not love and process our emotions then we carry them on to the next cycle. And by not learning from our experiences, we become stunted in our personal growth.
STUCK.
In turn we fall behind with our life path because we are stuck trying to learn a lesson.
Or
in some cases we are avoiding the test.
Because to actually stop and feel is far too 'painful'. To let go and be vulnerable, even with ourselves, is such a foreign concept that we manifest a cancerous fear within ourselves.
We run away from ourselves and our emotions on a daily bases.
And we repeat it, over and over and over again.
REPETITION.
Of the same low vibrations, creating a disease within ourselves.
Some of us will live an entire lifetime repeating our mistakes. Sadley, some will we even die not having learned anything.
Only to return to do it all over again.
If only Life was like the airport... we would all have to check our baggage before boarding the plane.
To be in the Zone.
To be one with the Earth.
Whatever it is that each of us calls it.
Some of us find it in religion.
Some find it in the music we play.
Some seek it out in the waves we surf.
We are all searching for the chance to be at peace.
To be in the present.
To be at one.
To just BE.
For those searching for the deeper meanings, the whys and hows, it comes at a cost,
One must give up everything
This the most difficult thing we as western society face, because of the way we have been socialized.
We were never taught in school to find ourselves.
To search for the things in life that money can't buy.
When and if each of us arrive at this point in life, it is a solo journey.
A lifelong path, full of struggles, disappointments but most importantly achievements.
It is not for the faint of heart.
When we stumble we must be able to pick ourselves back up and continue on. Or all will be lost.
"My success is measured by my willingness to keep on trying" - Anonymous
I have been told that we are given new tests with every new moon.
We are given 30 days.
If we do not love and process our emotions then we carry them on to the next cycle. And by not learning from our experiences, we become stunted in our personal growth.
STUCK.
In turn we fall behind with our life path because we are stuck trying to learn a lesson.
Or
in some cases we are avoiding the test.
Because to actually stop and feel is far too 'painful'. To let go and be vulnerable, even with ourselves, is such a foreign concept that we manifest a cancerous fear within ourselves.
We run away from ourselves and our emotions on a daily bases.
And we repeat it, over and over and over again.
REPETITION.
Of the same low vibrations, creating a disease within ourselves.
Some of us will live an entire lifetime repeating our mistakes. Sadley, some will we even die not having learned anything.
Only to return to do it all over again.
If only Life was like the airport... we would all have to check our baggage before boarding the plane.
Monday, October 15, 2007
Aware in the Now
Solace found in a perfect stranger
together they walked down the dark desolate path
holding hands
her attempt to undo the malice
she unwittingly bestowed upon his delicate soul
a gift of complacency, one he never knew existed
kindled a smile
more explosive than any sky on the 4th of July
he fused their two souls for a single instant
the love was electrifying
an infinite energy linked between two hearts
His gift was her reason breathe.
together they walked down the dark desolate path
holding hands
her attempt to undo the malice
she unwittingly bestowed upon his delicate soul
a gift of complacency, one he never knew existed
kindled a smile
more explosive than any sky on the 4th of July
he fused their two souls for a single instant
the love was electrifying
an infinite energy linked between two hearts
His gift was her reason breathe.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Too Many Questions
Silence
for the first time today
Just Her
Yellow bong water
that comforting flame
a sweet cloud
devouring her fragile strength
Her escape...
Escape from where? From what?
Or who...
She contemplates those words
Reflecting on her life
Those terrifying words
haunt her insecurities once more
Or is it him she fears?
DENIAL.
She recalls the burden of those words
Have those wounds healed yet?
Does the anger still linger deep within?
HOW DOES SHE KNOW?
SHE WANTS TO KNOW.
DEMANDS TO KNOW!
Why?
the unfortunate question
that only she can answer
FEAR
of jeopardizing her integrity
to break down the walls
and expose the inner battle grounds
would leave her naked and forsaken
VULNERABILITY
is not something she conveniently accepts
to take off the mask
is far too intimidating
TOO DEFENSELESS
Or is it?
How will she know?
Will she be too late?
Does it even matter...
I wrote this about 3 years ago. I was recently told that I need to deal with the unresolved issues I have with the males that come through my life. This is essential for continued growth.
It took me about a week to post this. Something just wasn't right. I am brought back to that moment in time every time I read this. Looking back I now laugh...it was all in front of my eyes. All the answers I was seeking. There in front of me in black and white.
What is it that makes us so disheartened towards relationships? When seeking advice on relationships we are often told to 'leave the baggage at the door'. Easier said than done. How do we separate the all the pain and anxieties from our past experiences and learn to move on and trust again?
for the first time today
Just Her
Yellow bong water
that comforting flame
a sweet cloud
devouring her fragile strength
Her escape...
Escape from where? From what?
Or who...
She contemplates those words
Reflecting on her life
Those terrifying words
haunt her insecurities once more
Or is it him she fears?
DENIAL.
She recalls the burden of those words
Have those wounds healed yet?
Does the anger still linger deep within?
HOW DOES SHE KNOW?
SHE WANTS TO KNOW.
DEMANDS TO KNOW!
Why?
the unfortunate question
that only she can answer
FEAR
of jeopardizing her integrity
to break down the walls
and expose the inner battle grounds
would leave her naked and forsaken
VULNERABILITY
is not something she conveniently accepts
to take off the mask
is far too intimidating
TOO DEFENSELESS
Or is it?
How will she know?
Will she be too late?
Does it even matter...
I wrote this about 3 years ago. I was recently told that I need to deal with the unresolved issues I have with the males that come through my life. This is essential for continued growth.
It took me about a week to post this. Something just wasn't right. I am brought back to that moment in time every time I read this. Looking back I now laugh...it was all in front of my eyes. All the answers I was seeking. There in front of me in black and white.
What is it that makes us so disheartened towards relationships? When seeking advice on relationships we are often told to 'leave the baggage at the door'. Easier said than done. How do we separate the all the pain and anxieties from our past experiences and learn to move on and trust again?
Sunday, September 30, 2007
severed connection
The rain beats off the air conditioner
You sniffle
upset again
you've been messaging
desperately awaiting a response
I miss you
the past
just too overwhelming
salting my open wound
i swallow the lump
and hold back a choke
my voice cracks as i try to speak
One more sleepless night
the unspoken wears away at you
your stomach is twisting and knotting
When will I see you again?
my vexatious heart has been squeezed dry
Abandoned
the cord
selfishly ripped from us once more
hidden under your covers
footsteps climb the stairs
Just wait. Please.
as the tears fall down your beautiful cheeks
you say your sad goodbyes
its late and we both must be going
Dawn will soon be breaking
And so will we
You sniffle
upset again
you've been messaging
desperately awaiting a response
I miss you
the past
just too overwhelming
salting my open wound
i swallow the lump
and hold back a choke
my voice cracks as i try to speak
One more sleepless night
the unspoken wears away at you
your stomach is twisting and knotting
When will I see you again?
my vexatious heart has been squeezed dry
Abandoned
the cord
selfishly ripped from us once more
hidden under your covers
footsteps climb the stairs
Just wait. Please.
as the tears fall down your beautiful cheeks
you say your sad goodbyes
its late and we both must be going
Dawn will soon be breaking
And so will we
beyond rocks.
SON OF A BITCH
BASTARD
PIG
FORGET YOU KNOW MY NAME
i WANT YOU TO HURT AS i DO
in search of my little black book
i shall sell my soul
for you to taste every last drop of my vengence
BASTARD
PIG
FORGET YOU KNOW MY NAME
i WANT YOU TO HURT AS i DO
in search of my little black book
i shall sell my soul
for you to taste every last drop of my vengence
Saturday, September 29, 2007
reflections of the past
the reflection off the river
illuminates the darkest corners of her mind
the buzz of the crickets
competing with the buzz of the wine
Her being ablaze.
the calm of the ripples
is no match for the constant tornado
She burns away like the amber of Her cigarette
her old life
a faint hum in the distance
It calls for Her.
the never ending sleepless nights
have reemerged a new addiction
Does it ever end?
or is it a reality within Her fiction...
illuminates the darkest corners of her mind
the buzz of the crickets
competing with the buzz of the wine
Her being ablaze.
the calm of the ripples
is no match for the constant tornado
She burns away like the amber of Her cigarette
her old life
a faint hum in the distance
It calls for Her.
the never ending sleepless nights
have reemerged a new addiction
Does it ever end?
or is it a reality within Her fiction...
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