Too Many Questions

Silence
for the first time today

Just Her

Yellow bong water
that comforting flame

a sweet cloud
devouring her fragile strength

Her escape...
Escape from where? From what?
Or who...

She contemplates those words

Reflecting on her life

Those terrifying words
haunt her insecurities once more

Or is it him she fears?

DENIAL.

She recalls the burden of those words

Have those wounds healed yet?
Does the anger still linger deep within?

HOW DOES SHE KNOW?
SHE WANTS TO KNOW.

DEMANDS TO KNOW!

Why?

the unfortunate question
that only she can answer

FEAR
of jeopardizing her integrity

to break down the walls
and expose the inner battle grounds
would leave her naked and forsaken

VULNERABILITY
is not something she conveniently accepts

to take off the mask
is far too intimidating
TOO DEFENSELESS

Or is it?

How will she know?
Will she be too late?
Does it even matter...







I wrote this about 3 years ago. I was recently told that I need to deal with the unresolved issues I have with the males that come through my life. This is essential for continued growth.

It took me about a week to post this. Something just wasn't right. I am brought back to that moment in time every time I read this. Looking back I now laugh...it was all in front of my eyes. All the answers I was seeking. There in front of me in black and white.

What is it that makes us so disheartened towards relationships? When seeking advice on relationships we are often told to 'leave the baggage at the door'. Easier said than done. How do we separate the all the pain and anxieties from our past experiences and learn to move on and trust again?