1929

I went to the cemetery
I stood before your grave
asking for guidance.

I pray to no god.
I find no answer within him.

and yet your cross still guards my door


maybe its just my lack of faith in men...

I sometimes wonder if half my issues are due to a lack of faith.
But I believe in something. I just haven't quite figured out what.
Must we always label everything?! Can't some things just be. How does one label what the soul holds for Truth?

For New Years I have decided to figure what I need.
I feel that as of late I have become a walking contradiction. I give all this amazing advice but rarely put it to use myself.

The past 6 years have left me feeling completely numb.
I don't know what to feel or how to feel it.
I know there is emotion there.
I feel it knot in my solarplexus.
It tries to untangle itself, down my meridian lines, into my second chakra.
Eventually I feel it trickle down into my base like a thick molasses.
I can manipulate it for a short period.
Expelling it through the salty tears that forever moisten my cheeks.
And yet I still struggle at holding it ever so lovingly in a gentle embrace.

My heart has been sledgehammered. Shattered into millions of fragments of light.